Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Lupus can suck it!

     Well, isn't this just appropriate. What a wonderful holiday weekend me and the fam had at our little piece of heaven. The boys fished their hearts out. They even got in the water and tubed. The air temperature was cool but in the sun it was beautiful.  The hubs and I got to be together but still spend time with Mom and Dad. We talked about all kinds of things, played cards, and watched the Memorial Day tribute together. That's our tradition.  My soul felt warmed by the reality that summer was just around the corner and all the fun things that I have to look forward to.

     For the most part, I took it easy. I napped when I needed it, I didn't bake in the sun. I ate well and never over did it with the drinks.  I was good! So, now I'm pissed!  We came home to a little rain and dampness.  I started to feel the aches coming but I just figured it would be something that a little rest could cure.  The hubs had to travel across the pond for work. We kissed him good bye and the whole clan was ready for bed.  I took all my meds including my Methotextrae (MTX) watched my DVR'd show and went to bed. Then bam like a train hit me, I fell apart.

     Fever, sweats, leg cramps, excruciating joint pain in my legs from hips to the tips of my toes. Shoulder pain so bad I couldn't lay down. My heart was palpating and I was vomiting like Linda Blair! My brain was confused.  I felt so great for the passed few weeks. Why? What the fuck did I do to get thrown back into the flare?  I  thought I put this out of the way for awhile. I assumed that I was going to have a nice decent stretch of time to just feel normal again. But no, not for me!  I'm mad!

     This is the mental mind fuck of Lupus and the trick it played on me. It has me in such a mood. I can't decide what to do.  The bitch inside of me says to just take today for a fluke instance and that I will be back to feeling good with just a little R&R.  But there is that small weak person inside my head that  says this is your life suck it up. Don't expect anything more than one good day at a time. I don't trust that either of those voices inside me are the truth of what my life holds for me and that is scary.

I'm not a scared person. I'm not someone who enjoys sitting on the sideline  of my life. But most of all I am not a person who likes to lose.  So, I will fight. I will fight through this and walk cautiously when I do feel well and not expect anything . Enjoy the day and time in front of me.

 Shameless sappy shout out to my mother-shucking sister for taking her day off to come take care of me and the boys. It means all the world to me.  I hate that she has to see me like this but there would be no way I could have gotten through today with out her!  She brought all her spoons to share with me so I can get back to good.

Take Care of You....


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