Monday, June 29, 2015

Wrapping up the Whole 30

     Officially, I am 5 days post Whole 30.  It's finally feeling like summer and I feel outstanding!  My accomplishments with the Whole 30 were this.... I lost 5 prescription medications for my Lupus and its side effects.  I have learned so much about what is in foods that I thought were "good for me" like gluten free substitutes for pasta,crackers,cereal etc.  I no longer want sugar unless it is from natural sources.  My energy levels are the best I can remember. I don't need a nap everyday and my night sleeping is so sound. I have been able to hang out and play with the boys.  I also lost 18 pounds.  I know that is a significant amount.  I also know that this is a long journey and not a sprint for me.  Becoming aware of that and my twisted relationship with food and alcohol is my favorite lesson I learned through the Whole 30.

     I'm pretty sure I am not the only one who uses food and alcohol to soothe themselves.  I also do it to "fix" everybody else.  If things get hard, uncomfortable or emotional , I will gladly whip up a 17lb lasagna and open as many bottles of wine it takes.  I will do what ever needs to be done to avoid dealing with mine or anybody else around me, when they are upset.  I thought for sure getting fed and tipsy was just what the doctor ordered.  Apparently, I was wrong.  Instead, over the last 30+ days I have cried, argued, put myself in time out and rationally discussed all kinds of things.  It was crazy hard but one of the most important things I learned about myself! So, yeah me!

     Now that I am free to eat all the things, I can't.  I can not bring myself to just let loose and get gluttonous with food.  I have decided to eat pretty close to Paleo & Whole 30 with a little tweaking.  And by tweaking I mean booze &  some cheese.  I can not imagine not having feta & goat cheese.  I love those things & they make other food just so much tastier.  For the sake of my sanity and my family's well being I will have to have wine & vodka! Not in the same drink , but for relaxation & yummy goodness.  I love a nice Pinot Noir at the end of the night! I need a vodka & lemonade on the boat! Those little things that make life slightly less hard are not going to steal my health!  I never want to let Lupus and how it effects me be because of how I treat my body, EVER AGAIN!

    So, this is my accountability post! I am going to continue running, eating well & enjoying my summer.  We have so much fun planned as a family & just the hubs and I.  I am going to thoroughly enjoy all the the things that July has in-store for us. I'm going to promise to try hard to not over think everything and wonder when the other shoe will drop.  I won't let Lupus control my brain and creep in with the negative nagging of knowing that there is no cure.  I will never be able to say I "used" to have Lupus, but what I can do is go into remission. I can tell everybody & everyone about how I  "used" to feel and how much it controlled my participation in my life.  I will be able to show off how I am living life to its fullest in spite of Lupus!  Whole 30 round 2 starts August 1 2015! Anybody that loves themselves and the people around them can do this! 30 days can change your life!.

Take care of you ....

Friday, June 12, 2015

Whole 30 Day 18 & the struggle is REALEST!

.....So real , that in the last 10 days I haven't been able to come up with a better blog title than that! Ewww. I hate redundancy, but really that is all I could come with .I have hit the proverbial wall of, blah! My disdain for redundant things is probably why I would have slapped the Pope this morning for something other than eggs! Imagine that, I wanted to have Greek yogurt and cardboardy tasting gluten free granola rather than eggs and bacon with sweet potato hash.  That my friends is where the light came on. If I were in a cartoon the bubble over my head when have been a beacon beaming light as I realized that I have a fucked up relationship with food, sugar and alcohol!

     ( in the voice of the guy that says_____days later on Spongebob ) 4 days earlier.  Late Tuesday afternoon / early evening, I completely melt down on the Hubs.  I have a very small recollection of what it was about, but really I was mostly pissed cause he was able to nap ( when ever or where ever. Freak!) and he was eating an oatmeal cookie. I went into complete helpless female cry about how hard this was! Ugly cry, unavoidable, and no explanation would come out but, " You don't know how hard this is!".  I was crying about food and drinking.  Unreal!

      ( in the voice of the guy that says_____days later on Spongebob ) 3 days earlier.  I'm sitting in The Children's Hospital waiting room.  The older of the middles was having an upper GI scope.  He has Chron's.  This was a check up to see if we need a more evasive medication because he had been having some issues.  He was back in the OR and I was feverishly texting with the Hubs & the oldest.  Thoroughly annoyed & ready to be done with all 18 years of my oldest. I'm eating my banana , sipping on my lemon water and crying, again!  I'm sitting in this room with complete strangers, tears streaming, fingers typing a million miles a minute and the entire time I'm glaring at this woman next to the vending machine.  She was snoozing against the vending machine with a Coke and a Subway meal deal jammed in her hospital issued bag.  I totally wanted to steal it & rock in the fetal position after I smashed it in 3 minutes flat!  I haven't had a Coke in years and I haven't eaten yoga mat Subway bread or their slimy lunch meat, in even longer.  I am completely losing my fucking mind!

( in the voice of the guy that says_____days later on Spongebob ) Later that Day.   Scope went swell. He is healing nicely.  Yeah! Score one for the home team! Life and evening will go on as planned!  8th Grade Honors night will go with out any interruption.  Until, I happened.  My oldest middle is most classically known as the smartest dumb kid you would know.  He is book smart but pushes on a door that says pull.  He is strong and handsome but also not very proficient with his social skills.  At the juice and cookies portion of the 8th grade super-drama (thanks to me) he is with his crush and her family. I'm standing alone, not having cookies or juice, crushing my water bottle and yearning for the gum out of Lu's mouth. ( she is my bff it would have been ok) I suddenly decide it's all about me and how I'm alone and being ignored by my son on HIS night ( not mine).  I teary eyed storm off with a , "I'm going to the car".  He is baffled.  I drive with him to where we are to have his celebration dinner.  I'm crying again.  I turn up the radio at an attempt to stop the nonsensical behavior, that I have taken on as my norm.  He turns down the radio and asks what's wrong.  He feels awful. He is confused. He is asking the Hubs and the Oldest what the hell is wrong with me.  They are all ready to call the White coats and the wagon to come get me.  Dinner ruined. Mom sucks. Life goes on.

( in the voice of the guy that says_____days later on Spongebob ) Present Day.  The oldest middle left this morning for a 10 day vacay to Texas.  I get up , give him his meds & shot , hug and good-bye.  My chest is so tight and I'm so agitated.  All I can think about is yogurt. Yogurt & granola. Yogurt, gluten free granola, & cheese. Yogurt,gluten free granola, cheese & wine! I must eat all the cheese and drink all the wine.  Then I will feel better. Ding! There it is.  There is my light bulb moment.  Ladies and gentlemen, I suck at grieving. I suck at other peoples grieving.  I have little control over how I feel and what to do when my emotions are out of control.  I immediately think of what I can eat & drink or cook & serve to make me and everybody else feel better.  I didn't even need an intervention or Dr.Phil to figure that shit out.  I will how ever be paying out the nose in family therapy for those that have to live with me while I figure this out!

Take care of you............

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

8 days in and the struggle is real!

      It's the second day of June and the Whole 30 struggle is real! I am officially half way through my eighth day and I want to kill something or eat all the things!  My resting bitch face has become my permanent expression for the entire day.  Nobody gets me. I'm misunderstood. The kids are laughing too loud. I want to stab the hubs for clicking the mouse to much.  It's infuriating the way that the "middle" has to walk around with ear buds all the time.  Why do the dogs smell so much, like dogs?  Yes! This is the status of my mental well being at this moment.  I would give my oldest away for a piece of cheese and a glass of Cabernet. ( I'd actually just give him away for nothing, Just as secure no return policy.)

     That is a little dramatic and highly exaggerated, but it is some of the down side to the Whole 30.  I am definitely detoxing.  I am definitely moody and edgy! I am definitely ready to get sized up for my prison orange coveralls.  But that is just today!  There is the upside to this.  The last 8 days have not been like this at all.  Other than a slight headache on and off since I started, I have felt amazing!  I have had more energy. I've been able to enjoy my runs again.  I'm sleeping like a teenager ( like all the time).  I am enjoying some of the most amazing foods and drinking all the water I need.  My joints don't ache.  My heart is not palpitating.  I'm not nearly as swollen. My Celiacs isn't flaring up. My skin is brighter. In general, this is the best I have felt in more than two years. And that my friends scares the absolute life out of me.

     When you live with Lupus and other auto-immune diseases it is terrifying when you feel good.  I start to question everything and wait with anticipation for the other shoe to drop.  I try to be cautious with my spike in energy because I am afraid of over doing it and putting my self in a flare.  I pay way to much attention to the good sore that comes with increasing my workouts. Constantly wondering is this the beginning of days of pain filled sleepless nights.  It is scary to feel good.  The saving grace to this is my amazing cast of characters that support me and keep me in touch with reality!

     My support system is one of a kind and my biggest blessing.  It ranges from my amazing hubs and family, to my girlfriends who always know when to talk me out of my crazy!  With out all of them I'd be a Whole 30 drop out and mad at myself, for sure!  Although, it would be nice if someone accidentally slipped a little vino in my water bottle! I received a Get Well soon card from the Merchants of Vino. Their store has seen a drastic dip in profits the last week and they assumed I was ill! I kid! I kid!

     I have been taking pictures of some of the amazing food that the hubs and I have been making.  I will share them with you and if you are interested in recipes just give me a shout out! This journey isn't easy and the struggle is real! But I have a feeling that the end results are going to be worth it all!
Take care of you....

Fajita Salad

Brick Chicken ,roasted potatoes & Greek-ish salad

Bolognese zucchini boats with tabbouleh

Chicken Salad 

Roast Turkey Breast with root veggies & sweet potatoes