Tuesday, May 14, 2013

It been a while...oops!

     I'll admit it, I suck! Its been almost a week and nope I haven't reported anything.  It's been almost a week and I've done so much and experienced so much and still haven't shared anything, I suck! To be completely honest I didn't even realize I hadn't blogged since last Wednesday or that today was Tuesday til about 4.7 seconds ago, I have absolutely no concept of time.  I feel like I've been sucked into a weird time/space continuum of feeling well, acting well, recovering from life while pretending being to well, and not feeling so well. I suck at playing all these "Lupus roles" as well as the other people I play in my life! I'll admit I have no shame!

     Briefly, since last Wednesday, I had girls night, ran in the Color Rad race, froze my ass of at my first Tiger's game of the season, did the Mother's Day, and now suffer the recovery of all that before the hubs has to travel. Really, none of this is easy.  But I tried to pick up little lessons of wisdom as I went through the roles of the weekend.

1. Ladies at the craft store are bitchy ,pretentious ,unhelpful snots!
Tee making supplies easy to find. Tulle for grown woman who want to make tutu's to run in, I have no damn idea! So asking around and searching, as if I was going to suck the life out of their crafty beings, no one wanted to help me and my fabulous Aunt Chris. I felt like they were intentionally giving me wrong advice and directions as if to thwart me away from the fabric cutting lady. They knew my lack of craft knowledge would slow her down! I figured it out and we managed ourselves. But for future notice, the craft store shouldn't sell $80 scissors and have such rude ass people!
T-shirts and tutu's were made! Girls night was a blast! We did the spa, ate room service, drank wine and relaxed before our run! Crafty bitches have nothing on that!
2.I'm not at good at recovery as I used to be.
As Lupus and I are progressing together I realize I don't bounce back quite like I used to. Cold, damp weather, exercise, whacky sleep, and booze all kick my ass. I had all that wrapped into one, then add emotional instability due to all those factors and Mother's Day! By Monday I was a train wreck waiting to happen.  I love all those things wrapped up into a weekend. I used to plan that stuff regularly! Now I have to space them out around huge gaps of time. I'm still not feeling great. I'm kicking myself and thankful the hubs isn't too mad that I've been a crotchety crank to be around since the weekend.  Just gave me a little insight into making a 6 week plan of healthy choices and decisions for getting the summer started out right and so that I can party like a rock star occasionally!

3. I do not deal with my grief  well and I deal with everyone else's even worse.
Mother's Day will always suck.  As much as I try to ignore it and fake it. Being a motherless person on Mother's Day sucks. The anniversary of said motherless -ness always falling on or around Mother's Day really sucks. I try to focus everything around everything but that.  I try to be there for my mother-shucking sister. I do that by serving copious amounts od red wine carbohydrates. Which is super healthy for the diabetic. Any thing to keep the focus off the fact that we are without parents but especially with out our mom on Mother's Day! I do pretty good at the avoidance of it.  I send her texts after she is home to talk about it.  I expect a full blown hormonal meltdown at some point during this month  from myself. (This is your warning!)  I'm blessed with great friends, family, and my hubs and boys make it all bearable.  There will just always be something missing.

   4.  Planning on healthiness is scary.
Is this possible? With 4 boys all of whom play sports & a hubs who's travel is picking up. Can I make this happen?  Am I really going to be able to put being healthy, running, and finding a new doctor at the front burner?  Well, here's the kicker.  I have to.  I like nice things to much. I want to enjoy said nice things to much, to not do it.  And I guess, this is my accountability tracker right here. Since, I've put it out there for all of God and country to read, If I don't do it then you will all know! So, tomorrow it's to the gym and meal planning. Back on my running routine and eating better.  I have my hair appointment on Friday and this weekend the garden goes in.  I have to make it through the rest of the week being good and feeling good. I'll let ya know  how that goes.

  Take Care of You....                                                                   

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