Well, isn't this just par for the course! I spend the better part of the week laying low, taking care of myself, and behaving and now I can't sleep for anything! It's fucking ridiculous how irritated I am right now. I assume I should really learn to accept nothing less than two steps forward and one step back. I assume that is what I was laying in bed arguing with myself about anyway. So I figured why not get up and bitch about it for everyone to read what the voices in my head are conversing about at 3 a.m. in the morning.
For the most part I did a lot of medication taking, sleeping, and watering flowers. Oh yes! Trying week I know. I'm sure there is a majority of people that share in the sentiment " I wish I had your life". It's certainly not all it's cracked up to be. I had a lot of pressure on me to be the optimal Lupus patient this week. The hubs really gets his panties in a bunch when he travels across the pond and I'm less than in mediocre health. A. Because I bitch. B. Because he stresses. C. Because I bitch D. Because the time change is hell on our communication and it makes me bitch. So, I was a good girl. Finally, felt good today. Went to the salon to make the spring change to blonde and wispy. I felt normal. I indeed felt so normal that I finally got to see the biggest of the boys play baseball for the first time all season!
*DISCLAIMER* This blog was interrupted by a damn Windows 8 upgrade. Which then logged me out of everything. And with loveliness of brain fog I forgot my son of mother ducking password. There for I had to get technical help from some ass clown. Giving my train of thought an entire misguided direction into "How much I'd love to stick my foot up Bill Gates ass, land!"
I finally got to shred the crown of worst mother ever. I saw the boy's start at Varsity catcher. Yeah, and I didn't burst into a hideous rash from the sun or die from the fresh air! Score one point for me! I still had the pangs of Mother's guilt because I wasn't my typical loud mouth self, screaming at the ump and taking pictures. But I was there. It felt good. It did feel so good, that I really want to go watch him tomorrow too. Along with, do some laundry, plant a few flats of plants, give the dogs a bath, make a crab boil, drink cold beers in the sunshine, clip coupons, make a meal plan and take a nap!
I'm pretty sure not even half of that will get done. I'd be thrilled with just a few of those things. There was a time when I could do that and not worry. Now I know better. Knowing better doesn't always feel better. But I will do what I can and report back with all the great details! I'm hoping to pull out the camera. So, maybe even some actual pictures, and not just the ones off my phone.
As far as the running goes, haven't quite been able to jump back on that bandwagon yet. I'm hoping that Sunday or Monday will be the right time. It seems some of the tweaking of meds is working in my favor. It appears that I will be able to start back slow and steady! I'm looking forward to it. For anybody who has ever run, you understand what I mean when I say, it is it's own therapy!
Not exactly any more tired, but I have less things running through my head. Time for some Night-Nite tea my mother-shucking sister bought me and to let go of the hateful feelings I have toward Mr.Gates.
Take Care of You...