Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Fake it til you Make it

     Today's "me" will be played by a seemingly normal version of my self. This is one of the few blessings of having an "invisible illness". I can attempt to do everything I want to do and nobody is the wiser. This is why disease poseurs, self-diagnosers, and all who claim to be DYING from their latest daily discomfort I'd like to tell them to "shut the f*ck up"!

     If you have it in you to update  your favorite form of social media(s) outlet(s) you probably will survive to re-update later or at least share tomorrow how you either are even more miserable or how you are miraculously cured thanks to benefits of modern medicine! You people make me want to walk on your carpet in dog shit covered shoes. I'd like to give you at least something to really be irritable about!

     I'm reeling with venomous sputtering's of things I'd like to say to people who feel like they are suffering and have "death's door knocking" problems. Cramps do not count! It's once a month! You will survive. Allergy's are annoying! But they are seasonal, it's going to go away! Joint pains because you are a weekend warrior are your own fault! Take Motrin and get out more often! Insomnia is not one or a few nights bad sleep. If a melatonin or Benadryl will get you back on track, you are NOT an insomniac!

     And the list goes on and on, and yes this is probably coming across as "Super Lupus Bitch" but that's kind of how I'm feeling this morning! Until your friends and family have coined your weekly  methotextrate vomming as sounding like someone is "murdering a velociraptor", you aren't dying.

    You aren't really having joint and muscle pain until you've actually texted your husband about purchasing Depends. Yes, I am admitting that I had a fleeting thought last week that I was in so much pain too walk to the bathroom and my meds had me in the bathroom so often that it might just be easier to resign to the old lady diapers! I've been there, more times than once, so I'm pretty sure you will survive your cramps!

     Allergies are annoying, no doubt about it, but you have seasons. You can at least predict when it's coming!  I'd like to be able to know when I was going to get hives, rashes, shingles, blotchiness, or whatever other lovely hot ass mess I wake up to that has me looking for my Phantom of the Opera Mask. So please enjoy  the pharmaceutical candy store provided to you for your seasonal discomfort. It will be over in a few weeks. I get the luxury of upping my steroid doses which render me looking much like Humpty Dumpty!

     Ok, there, I feel better. I'm sure I've offended at least someone. Get over it! Because I'm sure you have irritated me one time or another when you assume that you understand what I'm going through!
Today though I will do all the things I need to do and pretend that none of it is too hard because of my Lupus. One of which I am certain will make for a hilarious story later, taking Daisy, Dozer, and Ayden to the vet solo. Yep, that's 250lb of mastiffs and a 5 year old!

Take Care of You

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