Monday, June 3, 2013

Where's the Hidden Camera?

 Oh are such a nasty bitch!

     Sunday is my meds day.  I take my MTX.  It doesn't hit me as hard as it used to but I still get a little pukey and just worn out.  Up and running first thing this morning to get the boys out the door, I go bounding(my version of bounding, which is really more of a hobble) down to the basement to get the dog out side for the morning and holy hell it hit me.  My brain & belly got a delayed message that I was up and active and decided to put an immediate stop to that! All of a sudden sweaty, mouth watering nausea and panic(because the closest bathroom is the Boy's bathroom) took over. I'll spare  you the rest of the gory details ( courtesy to my hubs) but needless to say the dying dinosaur appeared ! I collect my self, tell the kids I'll be right there, and then holy hell the toilet starts over flowing! Fuck My Life right now! This is not my job, this is not my thing! Damn it, I don't even know where the plunger is!

     Conveniently, plunger is right next to the toilet!( You learn something new everyday) I plunge away, flowing water everywhere, and freaking out cause why the fuck is this not working? The inner smarter me, kicks in and says put down the plunger and walk away! I did. I walked away. Got some towels, washed my hands like a brain surgeon scrubbing in for surgery, brushed my teeth, and went back in determined not to call the hubs crying for help!

   Towels placed on the floor, garden clogs on, plunger in hand and just like that, I did it! Officially, I can now add plumber to my list of talents! I was so proud! Until I realized that their is a reason that plumbers charge so much, the clean up is beyond disgusting! Clean up, re-scrubbed myself, and back to Monday I go! No big deal, just one mishap! Resume routine...dogs out, kids fed, dogs back in, kids out, dogs fed, dogs back out, morning meds in, and finally dogs back in so the littlest and I can relax! Or so I thought. Damn that Daisy!

     Dogs go to come in and that Daisy has managed to devise yet another way to get into the pond and my beautiful fawn mastiff is covered in pond sludge and happy as hell! OMG. Who is video taping this? Where is the Punked crew? I have no dog shampoo. The dogs get groomed. They are huge. My hands aren't strong enough to hold them. But I have to clean her. I get a towel, her leash and the littles Avengers soap.   I have no choice! Hose and dog in hand I'm expecting an absolute shit show of Daisy and I on the deck! Nope, she sits there like a princess. Happy as hell to be getting a bath! Jeebus Crust, does she think this is a reward? What have I done now? Oh well, at least she's clean and dry.  The littlest and I can finally have our chill out time. Or not! The littlest can ask for a mustache.

     Really, a mustache?  Ok, I'm game. I'll draw him a mustache. Hell, I'll give him a mustache, goatee, and chops if he wants them. As long as we can just cuddle and play brain games on the ipad after! Oh no. Not today, he wants a real mustache!  Well, I may be a plumber but I cannot stimulate hair growth on a five year old. I'm good, not that good!  He cries. I cry. We compromise with he can play Xbox and listen to the ipad at the same time! Screw it! I'm picking my battles and if he rots his brain for an hour this morning so I can share the unbelievable morning I had, so be it!  If I didn't write this down, no one would believe it!

 All is well now!

Take Care of You.....


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