I technically have no real rhyme or reason to where this blog is going or why I'm writing it. I assume it is to write the things I like to say but can't. Or it could be, to take back the things I said in a moment of weakness because now I realize it was undeserved. Either way, this is my place do what I want, so if you don't want to listen to me ramble on about a whole lot of nothing, you are free to ignore this blog....just come back some other time cause usually I have a point. Today just may be one of those days I don't.
I'm fairly put off at some peoples idea of family. Family is not blood, always. Family is not a necessity or value, always. Family should not be pushed on you, ever. You should be able to choose who you call family, with out feeling guilty. In a family everybody body has a voice, an opinion, and a right to be heard. Family is always your soft place fall and should never make you feel bad. Whom ever falls into those categories for you, that is your choice. I, personally, have a very small circle that I call family. 80% of them are not blood related. I don't feel bad about that, and nor do I feel slighted. I've seen "blood relatives" lie, back stab, disrespect, abuse, belittle, and take until the river ran dry from each other. I never want that for my boys. That is why they have a very wide mix of people in their circle of family. I will never change this. I also will not let wolves in sheep's clothing walk in and out at their convenience. Time spent in their lives should be more than just a luxury or vacation, it should be a burning desire to fight for come hell or high water even when things aren't postcard picturesque. So, yes as I re-read this, it's a little preachy, but it's not just for me. It's for a lot of people I know. Stand up for yourself and your family and don't take anything from anyone anymore. I know I am not.
Ewwww, that was very high an mighty of me. But guess what? I don't give a damn. Yesterday was kind of a cluster fuck of a family day. The littlest started us out at 5a.m. buy dumping a liter of water on the two of us all warm and snug in our bed. I still got the move on with optimistic feelings and warm coffee in my hand. The plans of making a big family dinner with my mother shucking sister & her spawn, watching the little play ball, and ending the night with a nice glass of wine. That was the Norman Rockwell hopes for the day. When in reality, all of those things happened, but not at all was any of it picturesque. Rude interruptions from a far, fits, crying, dirty faces, freezing cold ball games, under done orrechettie pasta at 8:30, exhausted feelings, fear and me feeling not so well. How the hell did this happen? Life just happened. When life "just happens" and you have Lupus, it can set of a shit storm of symptoms.
I went to bed worn out and overwhelmed. I woke up worn out and overwhelmed. I figured I could let this day get away from me. Let the exhaustion, nausea, hives, and tension headache eat away at me and lay in bed with the littlest all day. Then I realized letting any of that get in the way of me appreciating what I value so much everyday is just stupid. I'm going to not take for granted what I have in my family circle and enjoy them. It may not be perfect but it's mine and they want to be here. That's what is important.
Take Care of You